Funnymouth by Slimebeast
- funnymouth has joined #ReferSales.
funnymouth: hello everyone tonight funnymouth: i like to lik the bluud funnymouth: out of in the person funnymouth: i see ur handsome face dont b so sad about it funnymouth: come on funnymouth: :)
- funnymouth has left #ReferSales.
GhostJeorge: ... Holy fuck, what the fuck lemonlimeskull: Did that just happen? GhostJeorge: Yes, Skull. Yes it did.
The first thing I should probably note is that I'm "lemonlimeskull". In other words, that's my screen name up there.
That was the first time I saw or heard from "funnymouth", and for all intents and purposes it should've been the last. Anyone who's spent enough time chatting away knows that weirdos come and go. Folks pop in to ask inane questions or just to troll a populated channel.
What first struck me as odd about the funnymouth guy, however, was the fact that he came and went with no particular GOAL. He didn't try to piss anyone off, and he didn't ask if anyone on the channel knew how to fix his computer or remove a virus.
He just stuck his head in, rattled off some random text, and happily fucked off.
lemonlimeskull: So really though, what the Hell? GhostJorge: Not c clue. GhostJorge: *Not a clue. lemonlimeskull: He's in another channel if you want to find out. lemonlimeskull: #bluud GhostJorge: I do not, sir. lemonlimeskull: XD lemonlimeskull: Bitch.
I don't know what results I expected from following this guy to another channel. I'm not the type that goes out of his way to annoy or argue with people. I'll usually avoid it at all costs, though once someone starts with me I don't mind getting into it at THAT point.
I guess what I'm saying is I have no idea why I pursued this.
- lemonlimeskull has entered #BLUUD
lemonlimeskull: Hey.
He was sitting there in the channel by himself.
funnymouth: O)_(O lemonlimeskull: :) lemonlimeskull: So... funnymouth: O)_(O lemonlimeskull: So... you're staring at me. lemonlimeskull: That's rude. funnymouth: sorrey funnymouth: i just do it funnymouth: its okay lemonlimeskull: I see. funnymouth: O)_(O
I actually chuckled out loud at this point. He was weird and innofensive.
lemonlimeskull: You can come back to #ReferSales if you want. lemonlimeskull: We're not going to boot you if that's what you're worried about. funnymouth: O)_(O lemonlimeskull: Or not. lemonlimeskull: Whatever, man, you just seemed interesting and I'm bored tonight. funnymouth: i am broad tonight 2 funnymouth: i always dont lemonlimeskull: ... You always don't what? funnymouth: i always dont thats it funnymouth: i always dont because they dont and theeennnn funnymouth: i get silly lemonlimeskull: O-kay. Well, seeya around. funnymouth: O)_(O
And with that, I left. The act got old fast, and I felt either this was someone TRYING too hard, or a legitimate moron who was unaware of how to properly use a chat program. Sitting idly by yourself and popping into other channels for a split second seemed like a desperate bid for attention. I might've done that and laughed my ass off in or around the 90s, but yeah... Stupid.
GhostJorge: Hmm? lemonlimeskull: Nothing. I seriously don't know what he was saying. GhostJorge: Ha. Welcome to the internet. lemonlimeskull: What's sad is that, besides you and me, that guy's the only active user here all night.
- lemonlimeskull kicks Killjay and shouts "WAKE UP!!!"
lemonlimeskull: Blah.
Silence dominated the channel for about a half hour as I minimized the window and went about my business.
lemonlimeskull: Anyone on?
Nothing. Eight users in the channel, not a single one active.
lemonlimeskull: BORING. lemonlimeskull: Why are you people so BORING? funnymouth: O)_(O lemonlimeskull: WAKE UP.
- lemonlimeskull puts everyone's hand in a bowl of warm water.
It took me a few seconds to see it. Funnymouth again, staring again. I phsycially slumped my shoulders with a "not this shit again" sigh.
Then I noticed he wasn't in the channel.
lemonlimeskull: ? lemonlimeskull: ... lemonlimeskull: Anyone else see him? lemonlimeskull: Of course, not because you're idle.
Obviously it was a glitch with either my client or the server. The message was kicked up from earlier in the night, at random. These things happen.
Still, it creeped the Hell out of me.
After a few minutes of sitting there with a really cold, creepy feeling in my stomach... that "I shouldn't have done something" feeling... I decided to stop trying to brave it out and just closed out the entire chat program.
Sure, I COULD have just hung out like everything was fine, but why bother try to prove I wasn't spooked? Hell, nobody was even around to see me slink away.
After a few more hours screwing around on the web, I went to bed around 2:40 AM.
One thing I've always prided myself on is that I do NOT have nightmares. At least not regularly. Usually if there are monsters or ghosts or nuclear wars in my dream, I get to control it and I have a great time. I'm shooting zombies in the face, outright telling ghosts they're not real while I laugh at them, and if there's some disaster, I always know how to get to the safe spot while every other MF'er fries.
I've had maybe four ACTUAL nightmares in the past ten years, and yes I'm completely serious.
The first nightmare of my adult life was in 2005. I'd just broken off a relationship with someone who had been with someone else for over a year behind my back. That night, when I finally DID get to sleep, I dreamt she was strapped down to a medical table while some sort of unseen, inexplicable creature sucked her brain out through an organic machine.
The brain screamed. Ceaselessly.
The second nightmare had me visiting a medical facility where they were experimenting with new methods of saving lives. There was a fantastic tour of this high-tech facility, lots of wonders of modern science, people in lab coats, etc. then I was lead to a room where three car crash victims had been "saved" by their techniques. This included a slowly rocking young girl whose face had been completely distended and hung around her chest, and a woman who was nothing but a cluster of twitching severed limbs, all held together by a drawn-out, kite-like span of flesh.
The third came soon after the second. I was being accosted by two people - one who wanted to insult me to no end, and the other who kept trying to pinch and tweak me in absurdly ineffective ways. Thinking I could control this dream like others, I set the two men against each other, thinking it would be a sort of poetic justice.
Instead, the pincher became increasingly violent until he was pulling at the other's cheeks, grabbing his tongue with a fist and furiously pulling at it until it came out... Then he pulled the fellow's eyelids until they distended in some sort of grotesque prolapse.
I suppose what I'm getting at is that even when I DID have nightmares, I was never the actual target of any sort of horror. It's always been a kind of empathetic horror related to someone else getting brutalized.
This night, however, was different. As soon as I fell asleep, I started dreaming. Basically, it was a recurring dream I have where I'm in the woods, just checking out animals and birds and generally acting chill. I lie in the grass and look up at the sky. It's always a dream I welcome, becuase even if I've had a shit day, I'll wake up happy and ready to start over.
This time, the script changed. I laid in the grass... but while I was staring at the sky, I felt something odd.
It was a cold, squirming feeling on my neck.
In the dream, I reached to my neck and pulled away a long, writhing earth worm. Earth worms disgust me. If I see one in the yard, I'll specifically get a shovel and heap dirt over it simply so I don't accidentally SEE it again.
Disgusted, but more or less content, I flung the worm aside and continued my dream.
Then... that feeling again. Clammy, wet, wiggling against the side of my neck.
I pulled another worm away.
Again, it happened.
The third time, the feeling of confusion and dread became so overwhelming that I immediately snapped myself out the dream. That's what usually happens when shit gets real in my dreams. Game over.
I figured it out, though. At least I thought I had. In the waking world, I felt my neck and discovered a slick, slimy film on my skin. Logic dictated that I must've been drooling in my sleep. Nothing to be proud of, but not exactly terrifying, either. My dreaming mind must've translated the icky feeling into an appropriate creature in the forest dream.
Perhaps more unsettling, though, was the fact that the bed around me seemed to have indentations. Four, to be exact. It was almost as of someone on hands and knees had been hovering over me as I slept.
There was any number of reasons that could've happened... but from then on that night, I slept very lightly. Any little thing, like the sound of a ceiling fan, would wake me up straight away. I had no real interest in going back to the woods that night.
When morning came around, I got ready to take off. To get out of the house and shake the cobwebs out. I only planned to check my e-mail real quick to make sure I didn't have any pending transactions or questions I had to answer.
Surprise!
From: funnymouth@bluud.com Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 2:42 AM To: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com>
i had a good time to talk to you it can b fun aagain youll see what
i dont like stop it
- )
As you probably recall, I hadn't given this asshat my e-mail address. However, logicial answer, someone else on the channel must have. He obviously came back to #ReferSales, asked someone who I was, and that douche bag completely betrayed me, knowing I don't give out my personal contact info.
Although...
The e-mail was dated 2:40. That was pretty much the moment I went to bed... when everyone on the channel was still idle.
Even though I well and truly KNEW I was taking some sort of bait, I responded.
From: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com> Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 9:29 AM To: funnymouth@bluud.com
Uhhhm, yeah bro. Not exactly sure I want you e-mailing me.
It was clear and to the point. There was no mistaking the message I was sending, and though it was snippy, I wasn't goading him into replying by starting a flame war.
But, of course...
From: funnymouth@bluud.com Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 9:30 AM To: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com>
come on dont be so sad about it
i know u can like it we will have fun a lot of the time
its okay even
And with that, I blocked his address. Really, I should've done that in the first place, but I still had some sick sort of interest in exactly where this was going. Maybe if I put my foot down, he would admit he was just screwing around and call me a humorless wet blanket. When I saw it was just the same old bullshit, that gave me the green light to go ahead and shut the guy out.
For what it's worth, you can relax at this point. The blocking stuck. There was no follow-up message circumventing the ban.
After a few minutes, I assured myself that was all over and I went about my day. It wasn't until I got home at dusk that the cold, squirming feeling in my stomach started all over again... and I had no idea WHY.
Well, that's not entirly true. I had SOME idea.
I checked my e-mail.
Nothing from "funnymouth", however there WAS an e-mail from Jorge.
From: Jorge G <ghostjorge@refersales.com> Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 2:03 PM To: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com>
Hey,
Refersales.com is fucked up. I can't get shit to load. When you're online please take a look ASAP.
Peace & Carrots, Jorge
I let out a string of curses. Down time meant lost sales, and I'd been out all day with no way for Jorge to contact me. If I'd been a little less strict with my personal info, he could've just called me.
I loaded the site and waited for some sort of error screen.
Instead, it began to reroute to another page.
Bluud.com
From: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com> Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 6:15 PM To: Jorge G <ghostjorge@refersales.com>
Yeah, I see it. It's redirecting to a website with a giant pixellated face with a messed-up tongue.
I think this has to be that funnymouth PoS. Did you give him my e-mail? With the domain in it?
C.W.
From: Jorge G <ghostjorge@refersales.com> Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 6:23 PM To: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com>
It's a 404 page, not a redirect. I want what you're smoking. All I get on Bluud.com is a "coming soon" notice.
I didn't give anyone shit.
Jeorge
From: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com> Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 6:25 PM To: Jorge G <ghostjorge@refersales.com>
Har har har. Funny.
Then Jorge e-mailed me a screenshot of the site giving a 404 error... along with a "coming soon" notice for Bluud.com
He could've easily faked them... but why? I mean, if this was some sort of joke, it was pretty abstract and I didn't get it.
When I looked at my website files, everything was normal. Nothing was out of place, and nobody had even logged in to change anything. I checked the domain name's nameservers... the thing that routes a domain where it's supposed to go... and nothing was out of sorts.
Still... there was this bloated, tongue-wagging face looking back at me with its empty eye sockets.
Then, I don't know how I missed it in the first place...
Looking closely, the picture of that face wasn't really pixellated. It was made of tiny letters, HTML code coloring each letter specific to the image.
Over and over again, the word that made up the image was right in front of me. "funnymouthfunnymouthfunnymouthfunnymouth" in a great cluster of nonsense.
I felt like spitting at the screen.
I unblocked his e-mail address and set about writing an incredibly profane and threatening letter. I didn't really care if I got the site back at this point, I just wanted to get everything off my chest so I could feel like I was in control of the situation again.
Before I could finish the letter... I just got this weird, creepy feeling again. That "No, it couldn't be..." feeling where you know you're being absurd, but at the same time you know you're right...
I stopped hacking out my death threats and checked the inbox.
From: funnymouth@bluud.com Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 7:00 PM To: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com>
i see ur handsome face
From: funnymouth@bluud.com Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 7:00 PM To: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com>
helo buddie
From: funnymouth@bluud.com Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 7:01 PM To: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com>
come on
From: funnymouth@bluud.com Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 7:01 PM To: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com>
helo
From: funnymouth@bluud.com Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 7:01 PM To: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com>
heleo helo ehelo
From: funnymouth@bluud.com Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 7:01 PM To: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com>
i dont want to not
From: funnymouth@bluud.com Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 7:01 PM To: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com>
i dont think about it please though
From: funnymouth@bluud.com Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 7:01 PM To: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com>
i see ur handsome face
Not only was that feeling correct, the feeling that he had already e-mailed me the minute I unblocked him, but it seemed he had steadily been e-mailing me nonstop SINCE I'd blocked him.
Ten more letters arrived just within the timespan it took me to reply...
From: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com> Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 7:00 PM To: funnymouth@bluud.com
FUCKIGN STOP!!
I was getting a stress headache. My heart was pounding, not from fear - but rage. This was probably the most absurdly infuriating person on the internet - and that's saying a lot.
Thankfully, the string of letters did indeed stop.
I tried to calm myself down, breathing deeply, but it didn't seem to take. I was still incredibly pissed. Slowly, methodically, I sent him another note.
From: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com> Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 7:21 PM To: funnymouth@bluud.com
Hi.
I don't understand what you are saying and I do not understand what you want. I think there may be a language barrier. Is your first language English?
I think you have done something to my website, and I would like you to undo it.
If you are mad at me, I did not intend this to happen. You may have misunderstood what I said, or what I meant.
Please change my website back and let's both go our separate ways.
Thank you, C.W.
I waited.
I thought about how I'd conquered my anger, and that this measured response was really the best way to go about it. This fellow would understand what I meant. He'd realize the mistake he made.
I calmed down. Everything was going to be okay.
Then...
From: funnymouth@bluud.com Sat, Nov 17, 2012 at 7:23 PM To: Charles Watts <chwatts@refersales.com>
O)_(O
I hit the roof.
I hit the god damned roof and went clear through it.
I smacked the monitor with my palm, knocking it clear off the desk. That pissed me off even more, as I drove my fist into the keyboard repeatedly until the keys flew free. I screamed out in a mixture of frustration with myself and rage over the situation and stormed out of the room, knocking down anything and everything I could get my hands on.
For as long as I could manage the energy, I laid waste to my own shit. I would've started a fire and burned the fucking place down if I had a lighter on hand.
That night, I stared at the ceiling for what felt like an eternity before sleep came.
Waiting for sleep, I knew I was going to have a nightmare. I just KNEW it. That was how my luck was going. Imagine how surprised I was, even in sleep, when instead of some horrific setting, I was someplace safe...
The woods.
I laid in the grass again. I felt the relaxation. I knew, even my subconcious knew, that everything would be okay. No matter what setbacks life threw at me, the world would go on. Nothing was permanent. Everything was in transition. Nobody could REALLY get to me.
I felt the squirming against my neck.
Nope. No dice. Nothing could spoil this right now. I ignored the worm. It would go away.
I felt the squirming move to my mouth. Now, I couldn't will myself awake. Every other time, I'd been able to decide to wake up... but it seemed like that opportunity had now passed.
Then, it wasn't a worm. It was a finger. Then another. Then more until four slimy, squriming digits were locked around my teeth, clutching my lower jaw.
It didn't hurt when it happened.
It was just... sort of like a "pop". More pressure than pain.
It was quick and before I even knew what was going on, it was over.
I then managed to force myself awake. I sat up and got to my feet in complete darkness. Feeling my way around the walls, I made my way into the bathroom. There, I finally flicked a light switch.
I stood before the mirror, rubbing my eyes as the harsh light blinded me.
I stared into the mirror for minutes on end with no reaction. No feelings. No thoughts.
Then I smiled.
I smiled as best I could, now that my jaw was completely broken, hanging loose around my neck. My tongue lolled out listlessly, like a paralyzed, gooey slug.
My teeth weren't rooted in anything but threads of flesh, and I could pull them out by hand with about the same discomfort as a needle prick.
I laughed, the halting sound coming out like the gurgle of a backed-up sewer drain.
What a handsome face!
What a funny mouth!
A funnymouth!
A funnymouth funnymouth funnymouth!
- lemonlimeskull has joined #ReferSales.
lemonlimeskull: I see your handsome face. lemonlimeskull: Don't be so sad about it! lemonlimeskull: :) GhostJeorge: Hey, where the fuck were you? GhostJeorge: hello? Charles? GhostJeorge: ...
- lemonlimeskull is now known as funnymouth.
funnymouth: O)_(O
- funnymouth has left #ReferSales.
Funnymouths by Slimebeast
Art by Trevor Henderson.
I have a problem I can't quite explain - not briefly, at least.
I came to know the name "Funnymouth" in a strange sort of way. I guess that's fitting since he was a strange sort of person.
The night in question, when everything went beyond the point of "wrong", concerned a message board, a video, and a nightmare. I'd been casually scrolling through the archive a favorite horror site when someone caught my attention with a curious headline. I'd been looking for an old post about streaming cult classic movies, but that mission was sidetracked pretty fast.
"Is Funnymouth True?"
Having no idea who or what the subject in question was, I decided to skim the thread.
Posted by ArmyDad45 on April 14h, 2013, 3:45 PM
Hey guys. I know this is probably bullshit and I'm stupid for asking, but is this Funnymouth thing actually legit? I went to the website and it works.
Posted by Scotch on April 14th, 2013, 4:02 PM
I have no idea what you're talking about, but no it isn't real.
Posted by ArmyDad45 on April 14th, 2013, 4:05 PM
Funnymouth. The story that's circulating. If you go to Bluud.com you die or get mangled or something. I was scared about going at first, but figured what the Hell. Does anyone know what happened to Charlie Watts from the original post?
Posted by Gregor_K on April 14th, 2013, 5:45 PM
No, it's not true. It's a hoax like "Normal Porn for Normal People". Some kids somewhere are just making shit up for laughs and hope suckers buy into it.
In fact, you can check the author's site. He calls himself Slimebeast.
Posted by TheBigOhNo on April 14th, 2013, 6:01 PM
You DO know that Slimebeast just takes credit for shit he didn't write, correct? He was asked to prove ownership and he can't. There's no reason to think he actually came up with Funnymouth.
In fact, I bet if you look back you'll see that Funnymouth, the site, and Lemonlimeskull (C.H. Watts) were around long before the liar started posting anything.
Here: http://www.urbandictionary.com/author.php?...=LemonLimeSkull
He probably wrote "I Hate You", though.
Posted by ArmyDad45 on April 15th, 2013, 2:15 PM
So is this real or not?
Posted by Gregor_K on April 15th, 2013, 4:00 PM
Not. Please go stick your head underwater for about ten minutes.
Now I'm not new to internet hoaxes, scams, etc. I've played along with ARGs and I've read my fair share of cool stories told by many a bro. Still, I was interested in what kind of story could make someone actually question its legitimacy when all others seemed completely sure it was bullshit.
When I Googled "Funnymouth" and sifted through the unrelated products and cell phone apps of the same name, I was still left as baffled as I'd been before. Sure, the story sounded intriguing and the logs presented within seemed like they could, theoretically, be real... but still the skeptic in my cried out.
"You moron, of COURSE it isn't real."
Among the cluster of posts about the story and blogs started by people using the name, I found something that seemed to be genuinely unrelated to the story. Something that stood on its own and didn't seem to reference the post in any way other than its title.
It was a video, posted by a YouTube user named "Tormentalist". I'd almost lumped it in with all the videos of narrators reading the original post until I noticed it wasn't a horror story, but instead had the thumbnail image of an online game.
"Please Kill Funnymouth! | Town of Salem"
The video was much as you'd imagine, some "Let's Play" simpleton giggling and overacting as he and a couple douche friends played an online game together. This particular game seemed to be based on the Salem Witch Trials, with each player trying to find the evildoers and lynch them.
Tormental: Let's see, what is my name going to be this time...
Jolie: I don't know. Be Poopbutt.
Justin: Be my little Poopbutt.
Tormental: I feel like that wouldn't be a good idea, because you'll know who I am and you'll kill me night one.
Chad: Oh noooo.
Jolie: What?
Chad: Nothing. The name I wanted is too long. It's a reference to this Goku/Vegeta slash fic, so nobody would probably get it, anyway.
So yeah, the standard bullshit.
A few minutes into the thing, I was about to bail out for my own sake. Then I saw one of the other players in the game.
Funnymouth.
Blue: I'm Survivor, I win with anyone.
Tall Short Guy: Put your name in your will in case there's a Disguiser.
funnymouth: helo everyone tonight funnymouth: whats this game funnymouth: pligrims funnymouth: hats
Senpai: Jester spotted.
funnymouth: thats okay i can funnymouth: beeee funny somtimes funnymouth: u will see
I watched the rest of the recording, and there didn't seem to be much interesting about it until halfway through, Tall Short Guy... the name "Tormental" had chosen... finally got sick of Funnymouth.
funnymouth: i like to lik the bluud
Tall Short Guy: Someone please kill Funny Mouth. Tall Short Guy: I don't care if he's the Jester. If you won't kill him at night, I'll vote Guilty by myself.
funnymouth: o funnymouth: dont b so mad about it funnymouth: i see ur handsome face funnymouth: O)_(O
Naturally, at the end of the round the only one left alive was Funnymouth himself. The folks recording signed off, said their goodbyes, and the video ended just as one final thing was said in chat.
funnymouth: we will hav fun u will see
There was nothing there to further explain who or what this Funnymouth person was, and for all I knew it was just some asshole who wouldn't break character. I felt as if I'd just wasted a half hour of my life on unfunny jokes, poop humor, and horrible puns.
Then my eye caught something in the recommended videos.
Another recording, titled simply "Watts-01_10_13".
I couldn't tell much from the thumbnail, but it looked to be a gray scale image... sort of like security camera footage... showing a stark, bare room, with a figure crouched in a dark corner.
Figuring this could be anything from a jump-scare video to a poorly produced fan film, I let out a sign and clicked the link. The imagery was of course much like the thumbnail that had been pulled from it. A single security camera was aimed at a hunched figure in the darkness of what seemed to be a weathered cell.
Voice: Do you know your name?
Man: Fuhnamagh.
Voice: It's Charles. Do you remember? Charles.
Man: Ah seh yah hangah fagh.
He laughs, though it sounds more like vomiting.
Voice: Charles, I want to talk to you about why you hurt yourself. Can you tell me about the website and why you took it down?
Man: Ahm silleh.
Voice: Charles -
He gets to his feet awkwardly and steps into the light. He's wearing a soiled straight jacket and frayed pants that end at his bare feet.
Man: FUHNAMAGH!
He brings his face to the camera. Above the remains of a slaughtered, malformed, gaping jaw, he displays a pair of wide, completely dilated eyes surrounded by black skin.
It looks as if there is some stitching and wire-work in the mass of filmy, tattered flesh of his mouth, though it appears to be botched and infected.
Man: Fuhnamagh, Fuhnamagh, Fuhnamagh, Fuhnamagh, Fuhnamagh!
He carelessly skips in circles before falling to the floor in laughter.
The video ends.
At that point, I feel like I finally understood the strange emoticon I'd seen pop up again and again.
O)_(O
I watched the video a second time... then a third... I ran and re-ran the final scene, and each time I changed my stance on whether the whole thing had been faked or not. Computer graphics? Astounding prosthetics? ... Actual massive injury? Every time I'd made up my mind, something else seemed to stick out that changed my whole opinion.
I checked the comments, but they weren't much help. By the time I'd gotten there, all discussion had turned to Obamacare and Equestria, as it tends to do. All the folks like myself, the ones who actually wanted to know more about what we had seen, were drowned out by argument and unrelated tangents.
That night, long after I'd given up the search, I finally dragged myself to bed and attempted to sleep off the exhausted, hot feeling that had overtaken my head.
I dreamt I was back at the old pizza place my parents used to run. "Pies Guys Pizza & Italian". I'd often waited long hours in the hot, bustling dining area while Mom and Dad slaved away on the orders. Usually, other kids would come and go which provided at least some entertainment... but not on this night.
I remember feeling alone and full of dread as I sat in a corner booth, cast in shadow. For longest time there was only silence as dark figures entered the restaurant, slowly circled the tables, and left without saying a word.
"Hey, Mosquito." My Dad had come up with the endearing pet name because I was a 'little bloodsucker' on his bank account, "Hope you're hungry!"
I looked down at the table, where my Father had placed a big plate of spaghetti and meatballs. Grabbing a fork, I started to eat as if I'd been starving for days.
"He's growing up to be quite the man." Dad said as he joined Mom behind the counter.
"Such a handsome face." She agreed.
I froze, feeling what seemed like a cold fist clutching my stomach.
Looking down at the plate I saw nothing but a bundle of writing, sauce-covered earth worms. The pair of meatballs were now half-hooded eyes. Dilated. Surrounded by black.
They flicked wide as the spaghetti... the worms... reached back out of my throat, making me gag. They coiled around my jaw and pulled.
I awoke with a gasp. It was morning already, though it felt as if I'd only dozed off for moments. I rolled out of bed and onto the floor in what I can only describe as the flight-or-flight sense of fear an animal must feel when a predator draws fist blood.
My hands shook as I drank my coffee. In fact, every time I thought I'd gotten my nerves under control that day... suffice to say I was quickly proven wrong. I couldn't so much as hold onto a pencil without trembling.
It was only after I read that original forum thread again that I finally calmed down and convinced myself I'd only whipped myself into a needless frenzy.
I decided the best way to put it behind me was to agree with all the others. Funnymouth was definitely not real.
Posted by Such_Skeptic on July 18th, 2014, 10:30 PM
Sorry to resurrect an old thread, but I only just found about this thing. Anyway, I went to Bluud.com and doesn't seem to be anything special. It actually looks like the owner sold it a while back.
I'd have to agree this is fake, though I do appreciate all of the work that went into fooling people.
I went to find the YouTube videos I'd seen the night before, in order to post them along with my congratulations on a hoax well played. However, it seemed as if Tormental had lost the video.
He posted a snotty update.
"Huh. I could've sworn I just posted a video, but I guess I was wrong. #ThanksYouTube"
From there, I couldn't find the related "security camera" footage... though I could've sworn I'd remembered the right name. Instead, I just finished my post off with something I'd told myself in order to get over my own hysteria.
Anyway, it's not like having a broken jaw is all that scary, anyway.
With that, I posted the message and decided I was done with this embarrassing little phase in my life. I'd gotten a little too invested in the story, and the fact I was doing so in the dead of night didn't help matters.
I was about to leave the forum when I noticed something.
"You have (1) new private message!"
Sent by Funnymouth July 18th, 2014, 10:31 PM
helo buddie
thats okay tho if u dont liek that part
i can find soemthing mor funny then
it will b a suprise
u will see an it will b fun all the time
O)_(O
Now you see my problem.
"Funny" by what standards? Whose idea of humor?
What could be more "funny" than what I'd seen?
Most nights I stand in front of the mirror, now, working my mouth into all kinds of odd, distorted positions. It's not like I can sleep with all the nightmares.
I feel like when I see the expression, I'll know.
Then... at least it won't be a surprise.