It was a pretty uneventful morning cleaning the rooms of this rat-infested hell hole I call a motel. The only time anyone ever brought in roaches was if they were doing cocaine and smoking pot. It was never the alcohol anyone drunk, it was always the cocaine and hard drugs. So far, I had to call the exterminator to get rid of roaches since that sorry-ass excuse of a manager never did, and he would always spend time smoking the bong. I was just a cleaning lady and had better sense than he did and knew more about the motel he did. I enjoyed drinking and getting shit-ass wasted, but I never did any drugs like that son of a bitch did. Fortunately, before I drunk myself silly, I would eat milk thistle like candy along with multivitamins. And I wonder why I came back from the doctor with a clean bill of health, and it's because of the milk thistle. I've been drinking since I was 16 and I'm now 34. Most women who drink their entire lives end up looking hard and haggard. Me, I still had the face of a 14 year-old-girl, I looked young, even though I was in my 30's. My day had gotten better because I heard from the owner of this hotel that the manager was going to be fired, and maybe everything would be running smoothly once he left. I would've preferred to stay at the Oaks Motel in Greensboro where I originally worked. Oh, I forgot to mention, I am from North Carolina, but I now live in Tampa.

 I sat in the back room of the office enjoying a McDonald's Big Breakfast with a large McCafé coffee, and of course, being my typical self, I added some Kahlua to the coffee to enhance it. Hehe. The manager knew I was a functioning alcoholic maid, but he didn't care. I pretended to put up with his ass and like him because... well, there are just no words to describe him. He only became manager because his father owned the place, and the father, believe it or not, respected and liked me more than his loser son. Only a few people had checked in (approx. three). Pretty slow, huh? The way I see it, that would be only a few rooms for me to clean, and I sure as hell wasn't going to find any discarded condoms laying. Female guests I could understand because they did not leave such a mess as men did, but when it came to men, I just felt like ripping their testicles off and super-gluing them to their ass cracks. After I ate, I was about to stock some of the rooms with fresh sheets, pillow cases, towels, and wash cloths, but a young man, entered the office and announced someone had a package. It looked like it was for the manager, but since he was in the toilet, I told the young postman I would hold onto it for him. The package was nothing special, a raggedy manilla envelope that looked like it was crumpled, torn slightly, and taped back together. Inside, there was something rectangular and hard inside, maybe a book? But who was it from? There was no postmark or return address on it, only the address to this motel: 

The Suite Life

222 Skyscraper Way Tampa, Florida  33602

But there was no return address or post mark. Who could've sent this? Curiosity got the best of me, and I decided to see what was in the package. It was a VHS tape, still brand-new, with a generic white label on top reading in a green permanent marker with the words: "PLAY ME," written in all caps. In the manager's study was a TV that contained a VHS/DVD play combo, and I went ahead and popped the tape. I asked one of the other motel maids to cover for me, and she did. At the beginning, the tape showed a bright blue screen briefly, then cutting to very fuzzy picture static, then to a black screen which lasted for a good minute. Maybe it was the start of a long-lost TV that someone sent to the manager? Like I mentioned before, the tape was brand new, and maybe the VCR the person was using was really shitty, or for it being a cam-corder video, the camera had to have been the absolute worst quality. The image then flickered to life, but it was all fuzzy and semi-orange toned. It looked like the inside of someone's trailer. I couldn't see anybody because a soul was not there, all I could see was a wooden dining room table that looked like it was purchased from Goodwill littered with dirty dishes showing remnants of half-eaten food that was nearing decomp, a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi that was half empty with the cap missing, scattered Bojangles boxes, and empty cigarette packs. From the looks of things, it looked like slobs or hillbillies lived here. The orange tone came from low-grade light bulbs. Was this someone's attempt at making a really shitty home movie? I continued to watch. Like I said, the picture quality was very fuzzy and I would have a hard time trying to identify who was who or what was happening. 

I couldn't make out the sound on the video at first, but it sounded like approaching footsteps as if the participant of the video was coming out from behind the camera. I saw a fat, chubby,  overweight redneck boy being manhandled by an unidentified person wearing what looked like blue jeans, black hoodie, and a baby doll mask. The woman in the baby doll mask I could not make out because her identity was obscured along with the hoodie she was donning. But I could tell she was a young lady. Aside from her attire, I saw very faintly in the grainy footage some black fingerless gloves, but the woman's ethnicity was undetermined. I continued watching the video seeing what would befall this fat little sack of ugly redneck crap. The boy in the video looked like WWE's Trevor Murdoch and Jack Black had a baby. This boy was downright fugly. The baby doll masked figure slugged the boy in the stomach with great strength, causing him to vomit, then proceeded to tie him down with vinyl coated galvanized steel wire rope until he couldn't move. his arms and legs were tied to the back of the ratty-looking wooden chair he was sitting in. 

The woman calls off screen to another person who was wearing a chatterer mask, regular white long sleeved dress shirt with the collar unbuttoned, orange sweater vest, and a mini skirt to match. The woman's voice was heard shouting "HIT HIM!" The one wearing the chatterer mask began punching him in the face with a small chain linked wrapped around hand, then ripped his shirt off, revealing his ugly, baby fat-laden hairy little stomach and little boy moobs. For right now, I'm gonna call these two Chatterer and Baby Doll, to make it more easier.

Baby Doll takes the boy's cigarette lighter places it under his nipples, causing him to scream in immense pain. After pulling out a large set of pliers, Baby Doll takes it to the boy's jewels and starts putting pressure down stairs. she begins to speak while crushing his nuts to a pulp.

"How do you like that, fat boy? You say you love pain? YOU GET A FUCKING HARD-ON WHEN YOU'RE EXPOSED TO PAIN?! How about this? YOU LIKE THAT NOW?!! I ought to rip your stomach open and perform homemade liposuction on your fat, hairy yellow lard ass right now. Yeah... just cut your fat out and feed them to your bulldogs... You'd like that, huh... Honey Boo Boo?" Baby Doll's voice was sinister and whispery as she spoke.

Chatterer steps into frame, with a plate of what appeared to be angel hair pasta with a gob of butter on them. From the looks of things, the pasta looked like it was already starting to get moldy and there was a green spot on it. Torture involving food poisoning maybe? My eyes couldn't pull away from the screen, I had to continue to watch the onslaught continue. Chatterer began taunting the boy, talking like a hillbilly.

"Oh, does Honey Boo Boo want Butter & Sketti? Ya wanna chomp on that?" Chatterer began to force feed the rancid pasta to the boy, "Mmmm, doesn't that taste good? That's right, eat it up, you fat fuck. EAT IT, YOU LITTLE PIGGY! OINK! OINK! GOT THE MUNCHIES AFTER YOU SMOKED SOME POT?! DOESN'T THAT TASTE GOOD?!!"

The boy on camera began vomiting at the rancid pasta that was being fed to him despite Chatterer force-feeding the spoiled dish. Chatterer laughed derisively, throwing the disgusting butter noodles to the floor, and smashes the plate on a nearby surface, then picks up a huge shard from the broken plate, raising it up in the air, and stabbing the fat redneck boy in the thigh multiple times, producing a mock scream as he screamed in pain, Baby Doll laughing evilly.

"I expected fat to come out of you instead of blood... such a shame." Baby Doll said very creepily. In the video, I saw the thigh being stabbed and lacerated with very graphic results. 

Chatterer was mock screaming while the fat boy was screaming in agony. Baby Doll took a bigger chain link and started to pummel the boy senselessly until cracking bones were heard. The fat little fuck spoke very weakly: "Please... I'm sorry... I won't do it ever again... Please stop..." is what it sounded like he said because the audio quality was very poor.

Into the next several minutes, the audio gets better and more clearer, but the picture is still fuzzy, staying in one place, as if it were sat on something, maybe a tripod or was someone holding the camera? Another girl's voice spoke up, though I couldn't see her. She said something like: "You treated me like shit and never defended me... You always made a fucking joke out of everything, you cared more about your fucking pot stoner buddies than you did me. You wrecked my life, now I'm gonna see yours end. Who's laughing now?"

Baby Doll came close to the fat redneck boy and started strangling him, not enough to kill him, but to make him gasp and cough severely. His blood already staining the sleeves of her black hoodie. Chatterer picked up what looked like a Japanese Trim Sickle, sharpening the blade to a razor's edge, the blade scraping clearly heard on camera. The fat boy screamed repeatedly to be released, but his words have fallen on deaf ears, Chatterer replying: "Shut your mouth. I SAID SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! [exhales] Everyone's been getting so sick of your nervous little boy laughter, those stupid little sad puppy dog eyes you like to use to get your way... you continually picking and playing with everyone to the point of where someone will stick a knife blade up your tight little ass... and most of all... your breath reeking of smegma and pot. And you say you're God's gift to women? You think you're so fucking cute and adorable, with the way mommy's got your hair styled in a stupid candy dish look? Well, let me tell you something, you fat sack of crap! You ain't fooling anyone with your boyish charm and making a joke out of everything, it may have worked on those cousin fuckers you called a family, but it sure as hell ain't gonna cut it with me."

"FUCK YOU!" The boy screamed.

"I am getting so sick of everyone saying 'Fuck You,' like it's their saving grace, like it's gonna scare me. You know what? It doesn't scare me, and it ain't gonna work on me, fatty. So unless you have some very nice O'Henry poetry you like to say to me, say it now, or it's gonna be etched in your tombstone."

Chatterer picks up the trim sickle and starts to mutilate the fat redneck boy, leaving multiple cuts on his flabby little chest and belly.  Baby Doll unleashes a large machete which was cleaned and sharpened to a razor's edge and points it in the face of the mutilated, bruised, beaten, battered, and now-pale fat boy. While this violent and ghastly blood shed was going on, I noticed a tiny trail of smoke drifting from Baby Doll's right hand, it seemed to be coming from a lit blunt, maybe a joint. 

The same familiar whispery, threatening tone returned and Baby Doll began to speak again: "You know what they say about a useless, pathetic, yellow blob of a redneck boy and pot? You can't enjoy pot when you're dead... Boy I wish I could offer you some of this Sherm... Wait, what's that? You don't know what Sherm is? It's pot... mixed with sweet embalming fluid... Producing the ultimate hallucinogenic high. You sure you don't want any? Men who were about to be executed by firing squad were offered a cigarette and a final drink of whiskey to settle them down... Just one drag, you'll feel no pain... your central nervous system will be numbed... but you will start to hallucinate. What? You don't want to smoke it? Too bad, I was gonna offer you this joint... but... if that's the way you feel..."

Baby Doll took the lit joint and put it out on the cheek of the fat boy, causing him to scream even louder. She unzipped his pants, pulling out his private parts, machete in one hand, and said: "And just so you won't be contaminating the world with your fat, manic-depressive, pot-smoking, lard-laden, rap-loving offspring, you won't be needing this." Baby Doll, like an executioner at a chopping block, chops the boy's privates off, causing massive exsanguination, but not enough to kill him, just to make him suffer.

"Oh no, must've been smaller than I thought." Baby Doll said. Despite this being a snuff video, or a all-too realistic fictionalized horror film, I managed to keep a straight face. Chatterer stepped into frame with the Trim Sickle I saw the last time. Her final words to the fat boy before killing him were "You may not have had a lot of brains... but you sure did have a lot of guts..." Chatterer had disemboweled him! His guts spilling out all over the floor in the most chilling detail. Baby Doll took her now-bloody machete and whacked the fat redneck boy's head off with one clean swipe, and said: "You little boys give such lousy head." This looked like footage I would've saw in a court room instead of at a cinema. At first glance it looked like a new film made for the Guinea Pig series, but it was too American to be that. The girl's voice I heard speaking from behind the camera earlier turned out to be the redneck boy's girlfriend. She looked like an semi-emaciated, glassy-eyed 14-year-old girl with long dark hair and wearing a Hooter's shirt. She was an a-cup, and I saw her small breasts. She must've gotten so sick of the abuse from her boyfriend for so long, both mental and physical, that she somehow ordered a hit on him. But was it so? The girl had a small gasoline tin in her hand and began pouring gas everywhere in the house. She took the camera off the tripod and followed the two killers outside, pouring a trail of gasoline that lead outside. Baby Doll took out a cheap-looking zippo lighter, flicked it open, and threw it on the ground while still lit, lighting the trail of gasoline and causing the house to catch fire with the dead redneck boy being burned. The carnage on the video ended, but the identities of Baby Doll and Chatterer were not revealed until the very end.

   Baby Doll took her hoodie off, pulling her mask off, revealing pure sclera eyes, ivory white skin, and raven hair that cascaded down her back. It was JANE THE KILLER! Chatterer pulled off the mask to reveal a girl who looked just like Jane except she had innocent-looking ice blue eyes, but with a psycho smile. IT WAS HER SISTER JESSIE! The girlfriend from earlier put the camera down, still facing them, and now the picture quality improves. She is seen giving Jane and Jessie $500.00 each, money that came from her now-dead boyfriend's secret stash he was gonna use to buy pot for himself. The girlfriend had ordered the hit on the fat redneck boy. She was finally free. The tape cut to that familiar fuzzy tracking static and the tape stopped and rewound itself. I took the tape and stuffed it in my purse so no one could look at it. After sitting through all that documented carnage and murder, I managed not to throw up what was left of my McDonald's breakfast and Kahlua coffee. I wish I could tell you more, but I have a few rooms to clean up. Bye for now.